Today is January 3, 2021 the passage below was written in June, 2017.
These journal entries stem from a variety of inspirations, some are notes to self or evaluations or ponderings which are a result of my experiences or what I desire to see happen. At times I wrote prayers, or dreams that I have had and some of the writings are quotes or maybe notes from a lecture, an audio book or a video, but all of it is meaningful to me, or was meaningful at the point of writing it down. These journals are dear to me because they are a description of my journey, this means I am sharing tidbits of my life and at times, very private, very personal moments. Chronological order is not my strong point, I am not very organized so at times the entries will not be in order-they will be just as random as the journals are. This first post from is from a particular journal written in June 2017, subsequent entries will include any dates, if they are available.
This 2017 journal originates from a time when I had determined to break the cycle of failure, the cycle of self-destruction.
It was at a time when I was seeking something more, I wanted the real, live truth. I had been disillusioned with the church and had been going through the proverbial wringer in many other areas of my life for so many years, therefore an unwavering determination sparked in me to search out that undeniable truth. I was already aware of some of the corruption in the ‘system’ – the government, food industry, medical industry, the financial industry and especially the entertainment industry which includes our so called News outlets and social media platforms. It seemed that the whole world was allowing this creeping compromise to infest almost every area of our lives, was there anything left that we could trust?
My mom was in the hospital and I was overworked with very little rest. I was driving an 2 hour round trip 4-5 times a week to a small city where I was doing some Bible work for the church, I was paid a stipend for doing what is termed church planting. At the same time I was homeschooling my two youngest children and my granddaughter who was living with us at the time. I had a lot of stress and worry about my oldest children who seemed to be self-destructing as well and I felt an urgency to study as much as possible in order to help them too. At the end of the day, after driving, working, homeschooling and making meals, I would then drive to the hospital (another hour round trip) to visit my mom. This cycle of driving to visit mom after work lasted for about 3 months. I felt it was imperative to see her every day and as hard as it was to do all of that, I am so thankful I did because she passed away 07-07-07 which I think is very significant. I have no idea what will come of these journal entries, maybe nothing at all, maybe they will serve someone else- I guess we will see.
LET GO OF THE OARS!
The receptive mode is the replenishing mode- to be fed from the Almighty’s table – to drink from His cup.
The stream will take me to where I want to be – to the best place for me.
Allow the wellness in.
Allow the loving in.
Allow myself to love.
- – Ask.
- – The Source of all life the Creator the Self-Existent One always answers.
- – Come into harmony and align with what I am seeking, knocking and asking for.
If my desire is strong enough I can override my belief but it is a rough ride. There is no gain worth talking about in pain- it keeps you there. You’re holding a stance of resistance that does not allow the receiving of the legacy that is yours.
Say, I have decided that I am a (good) person **to me that statement means, a “good person” is one who desires good, to be morally upright, to embody compassion, understanding, grace and love.
Therefore I deserve to have good things happen to me(that is the hardest part,) I have decided that I am going to pamper myself as much as possible, I am going to love and accept myself which is the path of least resistance, it feels more like going downstream and allowing the river to carry me.
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